What In The Name Of Erp
by Giton
Summary: Crais ponders whether he should tell Crichton about Erp


_Disclaimer on punctuation and spacing: seems to take some out!_

_Disclaimer: "Farscape" is a protected trademark and I'm just borrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact._

_I know, after reading this, you're all going to have the urge to kill me._

Title:What In The Name Of Erp

Author:GitonCrais

Rating:Humorous

Spoilers:Season 3

Keywords:Crais and the name Erp

Summary: Crais ponders whether he should tell Crichton about Erp

**What In The Name Of Erp**

By GitonCrais

The Jhumon had scowled at him again. Well, not only at him, he had been pleased to notice.

Crichton had stomped out of the galley, muttering Erp-inanities as he went. Even the translator microbes couldn't (or didn't) bother to translate them.

Crais folded his hands behind his head and looked up at Talyn's ceiling in Command.

He was taking a small break and was resting on the recliner.

A smile framed his lips.

The poor Jhumon thought they were merely mispronouncing the name of his home planet.

Well, Crais wasn't going to tell Crichton that in reality they were just trying to be kind to him. Besides, if he hadn't already figured it out on his own, the Jhumon wasn't going to believe him anyway.

From what he had observed, Aeryn had never explained this to Crichton either. Neither had any of the others, come to think of it. The thought was rather amusing.

Crais rolled over onto his side and rested, head on hand, while leaning up on his elbow. His eyes were staring in the direction of the consoles a few steps away from him but he wasn't really focusing on them.

He had often wondered why he had been so kind, ever since the beginning, actually, instead of bursting out in laughter as soon as he had first heard the name of the planet. It would have been so easy. It must have been Aeryn's deadpan delivery of the alternate name for the place.

Erp sounded so much better than…Crais grinned.

He rolled on his back and laced his hands behind his head.

He wondered for the umpteenth time if the Jhumon had ever figured out why they kept mispronouncing the name of his home planet. Probably not.

There had been enough times that Crais had been sorely tempted to tell Crichton. Sometimes the Jhumon was as annoying as a Sheyang on a Bonding party. Yet, Crais always found enough self-control not to do so.

That raised another issue in his mind, one he had long wondered about.

The translator microbes hadn't enlightened Crichton either. Which could mean that words spoken by someone in their own language were not translated into the person's vocabulary as long as they were familiar terms. The conclusion that might be drawn from that was that the translator microbes were aware of, and somehow capable of adapting to, the thought patterns of the host that they were residing in. Interesting.

Crais smiled as he thought of the word U'th.

If Crichton only knew that the name of his home planet elicited a mental picture of… Crais started to chuckle.

That vision continued to take form in his mind, becoming stronger and lodging itself firmly until Crais finally began to laugh aloud. He couldn't help himself.

The more he tried to banish the thought, get himself under control, the more distorted and enhanced the picture became. Totally blown out of proportion. It didn't help matters that the object of his mirth was an entire planet. That only made the situation worse.

The otherwise composed Captain Bialar Crais now let out a deep rumbling belly laugh.

Tears of laughter welled from his eyes and he rolled in helpless merriment on the recliner.

Aeryn and Crichton chose that moment to enter Command.

They stopped in their tracks as they heard the strange sounds issuing from Crais.

Watched in shock as they saw him clasp his sides, hugging himself.

For a moment they even thought he might have been injured, until they moved closer and saw his face.

"Crais?" Aeryn laid a tentative hand on his shoulder, concern written on her face, "What's wrong?" They weren't used to Crais being happy, especially not THIS happy.

Crais turned to her, only barely acknowledging her concern. For a moment he managed to stop his laughter, only to renew it when he saw Crichton standing behind her.

Aeryn turned to Crichton, "I don't understand it either."

Crichton shrugged his shoulders. He had even less of an idea than usual what had set Crais off.

Aeryn turned back to Crais, "Crais, what happened?"

Finally Crais gasped, "U'th!" and resumed his laughter.

Crichton smiled. Was Crais trying to pronounce Earth?

He looked at Aeryn and got a shock.

She was biting her bottom lip and her eyes twinkled with merriment. Her face started to turn rosier and she tried her hardest not to burst out laughing. She placed her hand against her lips, swallowed and looked at the laughing form of her former Commander. Crais was helpless to stop himself, and despite her own best efforts to control herself, his laughter was becoming contagious.

"Aeryn?" Crichton looked at her in confusion.

Aeryn looked at Crichton, then back at Crais and ran out of Command.

Crichton could hear her laughter echo down the corridor.

He looked at Crais but only saw his shaking form as laughter kept pouring forth.

He shook his head. He wouldn't get any answers from either of them.

In total confusion, he left Command.

**The End**


End file.
